31 May 2011
AN OPEN LETTER TO UMLAUT.

October 13, 2003

Dear Umlaut, You think you’re so damn cool, huh? Just hanging out, chillin’, above all those vowels. You’re all, “Ooh, look at me, I’m a chic umlaut. I make girls’ names look modish, like Zoë and Chloë, and I rock with strung out ’80s metal bands!”

Well, guess what? You’re only an umlaut if you’re modifying the pronunciation of a singular vowel, like in “Führer” or “über.” If you’re stressing the second of two consecutive vowels or one that would usually be silent according to common English usage, you’re just a plain old boring dieresis. How ‘bout that, you naïve jackass? God, you’re such a poseur, umlaut. You’re nothing but two measly dots. You’re a Eurotrash colon lying down. Nobody thinks you’re cool.

Sincerely,
Josh Abraham
Kew Gardens, NY

(Source: mcsweeneys.net)


  1. theviolentlolita reblogged this from germannn
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  8. chokingandsmoking reblogged this from germannn
  9. thelenaubr reblogged this from germannn and added:
    Ohmahgod I love this. Coincidentally I love umlauts.
  10. social-group-for-eccentrics reblogged this from germannn
  11. ilovebigshirtlessalexx reblogged this from germannn and added:
    Umlauts are the vowels nipples
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  21. donzodonzodonzo said: HA! Toll!
  22. manischestrassenpredigerin reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch
  23. lookatthatkatillac reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch and added:
    ”I rock with strung out ’80s metal bands!” I love Mötley Crüe, but this part was still funny.
  24. yellywally reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch
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