31 May 2011
AN OPEN LETTER TO UMLAUT.

October 13, 2003

Dear Umlaut, You think you’re so damn cool, huh? Just hanging out, chillin’, above all those vowels. You’re all, “Ooh, look at me, I’m a chic umlaut. I make girls’ names look modish, like Zoë and Chloë, and I rock with strung out ’80s metal bands!”

Well, guess what? You’re only an umlaut if you’re modifying the pronunciation of a singular vowel, like in “Führer” or “über.” If you’re stressing the second of two consecutive vowels or one that would usually be silent according to common English usage, you’re just a plain old boring dieresis. How ‘bout that, you naïve jackass? God, you’re such a poseur, umlaut. You’re nothing but two measly dots. You’re a Eurotrash colon lying down. Nobody thinks you’re cool.

Sincerely,
Josh Abraham
Kew Gardens, NY

(Source: mcsweeneys.net)


  1. theviolentlolita reblogged this from germannn
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  6. chokingandsmoking reblogged this from germannn
  7. thelenaubr reblogged this from germannn and added:
    Ohmahgod I love this. Coincidentally I love umlauts.
  8. social-group-for-eccentrics reblogged this from germannn
  9. ilovebigshirtlessalexx reblogged this from germannn and added:
    Umlauts are the vowels nipples
  10. mollygeorgiaevans reblogged this from germannn
  11. germannn reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch
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  18. typefettinge reblogged this from dorkery
  19. donzodonzodonzo said: HA! Toll!
  20. manischestrassenpredigerin reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch
  21. katharinaisbored reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch and added:
    ”I rock with strung out ’80s metal bands!” I love Mötley Crüe, but this part was still funny.
  22. yellywally reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch
  23. sharperthan reblogged this from dorkery
  24. mochikou reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch
  25. brookegoesdeutsch reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch
  26. danceofthebiscuittins said: Of course though, names like Zoë, being French, use the e-trema (diaresis) to signify a distinct pronunciation of ‘e’ otherwise in French, par exemple, it would be pronounced ‘zo’. Chloë, though not French, similar (though less necessary).
  27. gedenkenbrauchtwissen reblogged this from fuckyeahdeutsch